Lost

Revisando mis notas de cursos de postgrado para una solicitud de empleo, todo 9's y 10's. 

Checking my postgraduate qualifications for a job application. All 9's and 10's (1st in UK). I actually forgot that! I was fucking good at being good. But in the end good has not been enough. 

Remembering the good times, that in fact weren't that good, hurts anyway when the future gets so blurry and you are lost.

I was so good also, at making so many many plans... until you realised how life is so good at laughing at your plans and you stop doing them. Or maybe I was actually not that good at making plans and my plan making sucks.

Well, if I could only remember how to do plans, not good plans but just any plan. But that's the problem. Just any plan. Where do you get the energy and enthusiasm to do just a plan? So much trouble for just a plan that most provably is going no where (reasons above) And anyway, I don't want just a plan, I want a great plan and I run out of ideas and will.

Nevertheless, what can we do when we are lost, but keep wondering around with the hope to get somewhere, to find our place, or at least a path that, not necessarily goes somewhere, but if only it would keep us entertained with just enough trouble but out of too much suffering. 

Between Heaven and Hell

Somewhere between heaven and hell, there she was, just a lost girl, sad blue eyes and bushy hair. Not too clever, not to pretty. Not too much, not too less. Just living day by day, wondering about her fate, hopping every day for something to change. -It can not be just this. There must be something else-. And she waits and waits. Nothing happen. Nothing changes. She kept moving always searching. But fate, her fate, always ran away. And then one day she realised. -It is just this. There is nothing else.

02 random thoughts

Una vez me dijeron que "uno es como baila" cosa que creo cierta. También creo que uno es como la música que escucha. Desde luego es algo muy subjetivo, o intuitivo tal vez, pero bueno, a mi me gusta creerlo. Bueno, en realidad se que de un modo u otro es totalmente cierto. Yo que sé, preguntaros si os pareceis a la música que escuchaís y sacad vuestras conclusiones. No sé cuando fué, porque me recuerdo bailando desde que tengo uso de razon, pero en algun momento se me envenenó la sangre con música, sin lugar a dudas un veneno delicioso, y desde entonces no me imagino la vida sin música y danza.
Sin música no se puede bailar. Si veis bailar a alguien sin música no os equivoqueis, en realidad la está escuchando en su corazon.

Once, my dance master, tell us that people are as they dance. And I belive that. I also belive that people is like the music they listen. That is surely somthing quite subjective or maybe intuitive but I'd like to think that. Well, I know in some way it is true. And I don't know, but ask yourself what kind of music do you listen at, and get your onw conclusions. I don't know when it was, because I dance since i remember, but in some moment my blood get poisoned with music, a sweet poison indeed, and since then I don't imagine life without music and dance.
You can not dance without music. Don't get wrong if you see someone dancing without music, actually he is listening it in his heart.

01 random thoughts

It is weird how some times i can go inside my head and spend hours in there. It is not that when it happens i really think interesting things, but just things, or sometimes just nothing, at least nothing of worht. It is just like being lost inside. Some how it is like a time i need to stop, so after that i can go on. Like a no man's land time. Does that expresion works in english for time? I use this moments in my head to think imaginary lifes, or to feel how it would like being happy, or also just to be sad, hunted by shadows in the corner of my mind. Today is one of these sad days, I don't dare to allow to myself feeling so much, or explore so far in this sadness. I know is dangerous, and I am a coward. I prefer play dead. I'm very good on that.